Monday, November 09, 2009

Reducing my asshole footprint

A couple years ago, Vanity Fair wrote this great quiz called "Know Your Asshole Footprint" which really rung true to me....check it out - if you can answer 4 or more with  yes for your age group, it is suggested that you take urgent action to reduce your asshole footprint.   I do love these suggestions of what can be do to reduce one's footprint:

How to Reduce Your Asshole Footprint:

1. Read a book to a small child, and not in a "Cool! I read this when I was a kid!" way.

2. Stop gelling, mussing, and spiking your hair. You should part it, and that's that.

3. Refrain from ever using the construction "Mmm, I want me some.…"

4. Do not ever order a Cosmopolitan again.

5. Give in to the aging process, through every step of it.

6. Eat leftovers.

7. Go two entire, consecutive days without using a wireless electronic communication device.

8. Do not ever again refer to an elderly person, to his or her face, as "so cute."

9. All those things prescribed by Robert Greene in The 48 Laws of Power? Do the precise opposite.

I also like the section that suggests how one can purchase "Asshole Offsets".  All I can say is that I am guilty of a few on this list, although I am not rich enough to afford being an asshole in my age group.  (i.e. helicopter to summer camp, etc).   I am going to have to ponder some a little more realistic for people my age that live in the midwest....stay tuned.  Meanwhile, I need to work on reducing my footprint.

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